Debriefing the dudes on ‘Fifty Shades:’ A male perspective of ‘Fifty Shades Darker’

The rhetorical question, “Do I have to?” is always my first thought when approached by my better half about indulging in movies like “Fifty Shades of Grey.” But gentlemen, sometimes you need to pick and choose your battles. It’s a key component of building strong relationships as I’ve learned over the past few years as a married man. So, before you pick or choose, let me debrief my dudes.

Christian Grey, played by Jamie Dornan, is a billionaire bachelor who simply describes himself as “fifty shades of fucked up,” giving us the series title. His hobby is partaking in the BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism) sexual lifestyle as a dominant. His submissive, Anastasia Steele, portrayed by Dakota Johnson, is a recent college grad who we follow as she takes the plunge following Grey’s lead.

“Fifty Shades Darker” was 2017’s Valentine’s Day crush in the theaters, but personally I felt it was like a bad ex trying to get a rebound. The ebb and flow between minimal story progression, character development and sex was relatively like the first movie, but with Christian Grey acting more possessive. While there was a chance for the sequel to turn it up a notch from the first movie, and I really wanted it to come, but it didn’t deliver.

For the guys who are too bashful to jump head-in to this supposed sexy saga because of its explicit content, don’t worry fam — I’ve got you. Get yourself comfortable with the visual of Jamie Dornan’s naked rear end for all of 30- seconds, and then put on your pants for the rest because that’s what Christian Grey does. Yes, even during the naughty parts and especially in the shower. Personally, as a dude I got more turned on from Grey’s collection of Audis than the shadowy sex scenes.

Whether this is an allusion to Grey’s character showboating dominance or just a method to keep the sex scenes tasteful could be debated, but there’s practically no discretion at all when it comes to Dakota Johnson’s body, so there’s at least something (boobs) to look forward to.

At best, the Fifty Shades series provides a textbook example of the introspectively conflicted man and woman relationship dynamic that romantic dramas catered toward female audiences produce… but with a pinch of added kink. Christian Grey’s character, outside of sex, has multiple scenes involving him brooding alongside a window when he doesn’t get his way. But, if he does get what he wants, his character changes his mind and does something else. He’s confusing as a man.

Even in my own commentary while watching the movies, I questioned what was wrong as Grey didn’t seem to have an endgame or direction to his contractually written relationship. Guys, if I can give any sort of valid relationship advice based upon Grey’s character, it’s to stay confident and true to your actions. Stay away from staring out of windows blankly.

At worst, the movies give you and your partner something to nod and laugh at for the night.

But, maybe that’s the key to these movies. If the characters are dull, the sex isn’t sexy and the story is obvious, then maybe it’s the fact that you and your partner can watch them together and build a relationship to jokingly say afterward: “Hey, let’s try that thing with the rope…” to which you can respond: “Okay! I’ll go put on my pants.”